I Am So Tired Of Wanting To Be Different Than I Am
Dear God,I am so tired. Tired of failing. Tired of trying. Tired of wanting to be different than I am. Why am I an addict? Why do I consistently seek to numb myself, to eradicate any pain, real or imagined? Why do I seem to demand a life that is free of pain? Help me to embrace life as it is, even when it hurts. Even when it’s scary as hell. Even when there’s a damn good chance that I will fail . . . again. People tell me that you love me just as I am. If that’s so, then why is it so damn hard for me to trust You? Why do I insist on living as if You don’t exist or at least matter? Help me God. I need rest. I need peace. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Derzu Sylizias, Seattle,USA
